The past few days, I fell off plan. I honestly don’t even dare weigh myself this morning because I know it would be a gain. I didn’t consume as much as I probably would have a few months ago, but I still let myself go a bit. I rationalized it by saying that I had been doing so well and deserved some time off. I see all these girls at work that are slim, yet still allow themselves treats. They indulge, but don’t seem to ever gain a pound. Then, this morning I realized that’s a lot of what got me here in the first place. Thinking food wise, I can keep up with everyone else.
Some background with that feeling: when I started really gaining weight was in High School. My best friends all ate like birds then would pig out on gallons of ice cream or a whole pan of brownies. They somehow managed to always over indulge with what they wanted, but never gained weight because they balanced it by not eating the rest of the time or working out a ton. I was diagnosed with CFIDS and was unable to do the working out part like they could. I also have never been the kind of person that can skip 3 meals in order to pig out on cake at a party and have that be my calories for the day. If I don’t eat every 4 hours, I feel sick. I have always been this way, since I was a healthy little girl who wasn’t overweight. When I take too long to eat something, I feel like crap until I do eat a meal. Trust me - I’ve tried to starve myself. It never works and I end up binging because I’m starving. So, I would still eat my normal 3 meals a day – but when they indulged, I indulged with them. This mentality never stopped. And I slowly started to gain weight while they all never seemed to gain a pound.
Back to this weekend, Friday we had a party at work. I did have good intentions about balancing the day with healthy things, plus some slight indulgences. I agreed to bring some stuff in from the local bakery, instead of something healthy: bad choice #1. All the girls I worked with had been talking about how much they wanted cupcakes, but hadn’t found a good place to get them yet. So, when we were planning the party and they were talking about it, I piped up with knowing a decent bakery that had very good cupcakes. I’m still trying to find my footing at work and want all the girls to like me. They were super happy that I agreed to be the one to bring in the sweets, and I basked in the attention. Since getting married and moving to a new state, I’ve had some problems making friends. I moved away from all my family and friends and although my husband is amazing, I crave that girl companionship that I was so used too. So knowing that I was making my new co-workers happy by bringing in something they were craving made me feel good. I started my day off with my normal breakfast lately of a yogurt with granola with some fruit. I really thought that I could still eat healthy with only maybe a cookie or something. When I got to work, the girls were setting up the food. It was a complete fiesta; with a whole desk filled with goodies with what I soon realized was not a healthy option in sight. I started thinking that 9 hours was a long time to be sitting at the desk next to all this food. I was right.I stuck with my guns as much as possible. I had my normal breakfast, but then an hour later a few of the girls opened the cupcakes and cookies, and I broke and had a cookie. That turned into some of the banana bread + another cookie. Then, a few hours later they were all breaking for lunch and munching on that. I went downstairs to the cafeteria and got a huge salad - thinking that would fill me up and I’d keep from eating any more of the bad things in the office. It did hold me off for awhile, but halfway through the afternoon when the girls had another cookie break and were only a desk away from me eating, I gave in again. By this time, I’d eaten enough that my calories were at 1500 and I was only halfway through my day!
When I was leaving for the day, I tried to give away as many of the leftover sweets as possible. A few girls took some home, but they insisted I also take some home since I brought them in. That left me with 4 cupcakes and 6 cookies to take home. Plus, my husband wanted to go out to eat. So I caved, and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings at his choice. I did manage to order the salad for dinner, but he was drinking, so I had a drink. And again, it spiraled slightly out of control.
Total calories for Friday: somewhere between 2400-2700 – I’m honestly not completely sure.
Then, Saturday, I got up and again thought I’d be able to keep it under control. But I was feeling upset about having given in so much on Friday, and stressed about getting the house packed up and having so much to do (we’re moving in 2 weeks). I did pretty well in the morning, but we went out to dinner again. We picked the Mongolian Grill which was a okay choice considering the other options, and I didn’t overeat too much. I did however have a few drinks + some wine when I got home.
Total calories for Saturday: about 2250.
Today, however, I am pleased to say I am back on plan! I woke up and had some fruit and water for breakfast, since I was still pretty full from the night before. I had a homemade grilled chicken sandwich on a low calorie bun for lunch. And for dinner, we made stir-fry with peas and carrots, steak, low calorie stir fry sauce, and low carb / calorie pasta.
Total calories for today: 1400 and with the overeating this weekend, I am not eating another bite.
No comments:
Post a Comment